{"id":2406,"date":"2021-01-31T17:04:31","date_gmt":"2021-01-31T16:04:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pureux.org\/?p=2406"},"modified":"2021-01-31T17:04:31","modified_gmt":"2021-01-31T16:04:31","slug":"110-cernemints","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/2021\/01\/31\/110-cernemints\/","title":{"rendered":"110 cernemints"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Une aventure v\u00e9cue et cont\u00e9e non sans malice par G\u00e9rard Couche<\/span> <\/em><\/h2>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/b><\/span>
\n<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I faut que j\u2019te conte l\u2019derni\u00e8re quinte qu\u2019j\u2019ai eu \u00e0 Roost. Euj\u2019rinte d\u2019mins tchiot villache d\u2019Italie eul 27 du mos d\u2019aho\u00fbte. Eul 28, j\u2019vas vir au courrier. Y avot eune grinte invloppe avec eune Marianne au d\u2019zeur. \u00ab Oh la la ! \u00bb que j\u2019me dis \u00ab Cha sint mauvais \u00bb. Dins l\u2019timps, in avot quer Marianne, ch\u2019\u00e9tot la R\u00e9publique, eune belle femme aveuc eun biau visache sous sin bonnet phrygien, eun d\u00e9collet\u00e9 \u00e0 b\u00e9filler, d\u2019l\u2019\u00e9nergie dins l\u2019regard, mais amiteusse tout d\u2019min\u2019me. In l\u2019v\u00e9yot aveuc contintemint dins tous les mairies et les maisons du peuple, bref \u00ab Libert\u00e9, Egalit\u00e9, Fraternit\u00e9 ! \u00bb J\u2019y croyaus ocor \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9poque-l\u00e0. Acht\u2019heur, quint\u2019 t\u00e9 vos eune Marianne, ch\u2019est su eune inveloppe, et surtout quind elle est grisse, ch\u2019est mauvais sin\u2019ne : l\u2019z\u2019imp\u00f4ts, les taxes ed\u2019chi et d\u2019l\u00e0, les r\u00e8glemints, o bein eune pron\u2019ne. Ben l\u00e0, ch\u2019\u00e9tot eune pron\u2019ne.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Cr\u00e9 vingt dieux, j\u2019ai pourtint fait attintion sur l\u2019autoroute\u00a0! J\u2019ai bein vu eune leumi\u00e8re s\u2019alleumer \u00e0 l\u2019intr\u00e9e d\u2019Aix-in-Provence, mais d\u2019pus avint-hier, l\u2019pron\u2019ne n\u2019a pas cor pu arriver \u00e0 m\u2019baraque. A vir eul vitesse du qui z\u2019arrivtent les masques, les tests et les vaccins, ch\u2019est pas possippe que m\u2019pron\u2019ne arrive si habile\u00a0!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Euj lis pu avint\u00a0: \u00ab\u00a0Circulation d\u2019un v\u00e9hicule non autoris\u00e9 sur une voie r\u00e9serv\u00e9e aux v\u00e9hicules de transport public de voyageurs\u00a0\u00bb Avenue des martyrs de la r\u00e9sistance \u00e0 Roost-Warendin. J\u2019sus parti d\u2019pus deux mos, mais si y avot eun couloir d\u2019autobus in plein Roost, je l\u2019saros vin\u2019deck. Et pis, el pron\u2019ne date du 12 mai 2020 \u00e0 18 h 43\u00a0: y-a deux mos et d\u2019mi, in plein confinemint. Y a eun berlusache queque part\u00a0! J\u2019in\u2019r\u2019busie. Ah ouais\u00a0! J\u2019min rappelle acht\u2019heure\u00a0! Au coll\u00e8che, l\u2019arr\u00eat d\u2019bus des \u00e9l\u00e8ves. Ch\u2019est vrai\u2026… <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


\nEune id\u00e9e comme cha, j\u2019vas passer l\u00e0 pour vir commint qu\u2019y passtent les autobus <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Y avot pas eun bus aux alintours, pas eun \u00e9l\u00e8fe \u00e0 cht\u2019heure l\u00e0 et \u00e0 ch\u2019momint-l\u00e0 surtout, m\u00eame pas eun seul gin. Alors, j\u2018fais l\u2019tour comme cha dins aveuc m\u2019auto, eune pleum\u2019, tout duchmint pou faire comme les bus, comme quind euj voulos \u00eate chauffeur quind j\u2019\u00e9tos gosse, par curiosit\u00e9, eune tchiote fintaisie quoi, comme eun dit acht\u2019heure, eun acte gratuit. Je n\u2019pinsos pas qu\u2019eun acte gratuit cha pouvot co\u00fbter 90 \u20ac.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ch\u2019est vrai qu\u2019l\u2019agint verbalisateur N\u00b02860 et des berquettes, i n\u2019pouvot pas m\u2019connaite. Y n\u2019pouvot pas savoir que j\u2019n\u2019\u00e9tos pas eun terrorisse, eun blaque-bloque, eun vindale. J\u2019sus fort connu \u00e0 Roost, l\u2019garde champ\u00eate i arot pins\u00e9 : \u00ab Ah, je l\u2019connos ch-ti lal, y a cor eu eune touquette ! \u00bb I m\u2019arot dit : \u00ab Fais eun tchiot cop attintion \u00e0 ti ! \u00bb Et cha s\u2019arr\u00eatot l\u00e0. Mais l\u2019 N\u00b0 2860\u2026, derri\u00e8re s\u2019ordinateur\u2026 I n\u2019me connot pas. O bein, ch\u2019est qui m\u2019in veut.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Adins, y avot des policiers d\u2019la route, des agints d\u2019proximit\u00e9, des agints d\u2019la circulation pou aider les gins. Ch\u2019ti qui n\u2019faijot pas d\u2019travers \u00e9tot cotint d\u2019les vir. Aujord\u2019hui, y a pus foque qu\u2019des agints verbalisateurs. I n\u2019verbalis\u2019tent rein du reste, vu que t\u00e9 les vos pas. I restent much\u00e9s derri\u00e8re leus cam\u00e9ras, leus \u00e9crins et leus N\u00b0, t\u00e9 n\u2019peux m\u00eame pas t\u2019essepliquer.
\nCh\u2019est dev\u2019nu des S.A.V.\u00a0: t\u2019Surquer, t\u2019Aligner, t\u2019Verbaliser.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Les cam\u00e9ras, cha n\u2019est rein d\u2019aute que des machines \u00e0 pron\u2019nes pour taxer l\u2019honn\u00eate citoyen qui fait eune tchiote b\u00eatisse ed\u2019 rin du tout. Ch\u2019est cha l\u2019modernisse et l\u2019nouvelle humanit\u00e9. Ch\u2019est des sous qui leu faut. Mais cha n\u2019a jamais imp\u00each\u00e9 les malfaisants et les malfrats. Tout juste peut-\u00eate \u00e0 les rattraper\u2026 mais tout jusse, et lormint apr\u00e8s\u00a0!
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

T\u2019as qu\u2019\u00e0 d\u2019minder \u00e0 Estrosi, y-in sait quett quosse. Nice, ch\u2019est l\u2019ville el pus cam\u00e9ris\u00e9e d\u2019Frince, et i s\u2019a pris 4 attintats terrorisses dins l\u2019nez. I prind toudis les m\u2019sures les pus fortes d\u2019confinemint, d\u2019couvre-feu, et tout et tout, et chez l\u00e0 qu\u2019y a d\u2019puque ed cas d\u2019COVID.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I n\u2019imp\u00eache qu\u2019j\u2019ai cach\u00e9 \u00e0 comprind commint qu\u2019ch \u00e9tot possible eune affaire parelle. Et j\u2019ai treuv\u00e9\u00a0! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Un camarate policier m\u2019a dit qu\u2019ch\u2019\u00e9tot <\/span><\/span>comme \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9cole primaire. Quind te travalles bein, t\u2019as eun bon point. Quind t\u2019as 10 bons points, t\u2019as eune imache. Et quind t\u2019as grammint d\u2019imaches, t\u2019as eune grinde imache. Dins la police, ch\u2019est parel. Quind te prinds in flagrint d\u00e9lit, o bein su l\u2019ordi eun Vindale, eun terrorisse, infin, un gin dingereux pour la soci\u00e9t\u00e9, comme mi \u00e0 l\u2019arr\u00eat d\u2019autobus si t\u2019aimes mieux, t\u2019a gagn\u00e9 un \u00ab\u00a0cernemint\u00a0\u00bb.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Pourquo eun cernemint ?<\/strong> Passe que t\u2019as bein cern\u00e9 l\u2019problim\u2019me, t\u2019as bein cern\u00e9 l\u2019criminel, et t\u2019as bein cern\u00e9 l\u2019solution \u00e0 printe. Quind t\u2019as gagn\u00e9 10 cernemints, t\u2019as eune tchiote prime. Et si qu\u2019t\u2019est ocor pus efficace, et qu\u2019t\u2019arrives \u00e0 guingner in travaillant 110 cernemints, alors, t\u2019as eune barette, et te monte in grade. Voil\u00e0, ch\u2019est pas pus compliqu\u00e9 qu\u2019cha. Ch\u2019est pour cha qu\u2019in met des cam\u00e9ras tout partout et qu\u2019les pron\u2019nes i kettent pindint les quat\u2019 saisons. Y a m\u00eame pus besoin d\u2019s\u2019ing\u00e9ler in hiver o bein de s\u2019racruire in automne. T\u00e9 r\u2019meures au quaud d\u2019vint t\u2019n\u2019\u00e9crin d\u2019t\u00e9l\u00e9, ch\u2019est l\u2019cam\u00e9ra et l\u2019ordinateur qui font tout. Y-a-foque \u00e0 appuyer su ch\u2019bouton, comme su l\u2019accord\u00e9on.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mais mi, cha m\u2019fait peur tout cha. Cha m\u2019fout l\u2019moral in bas d\u2019savoir qu\u2019dins min villache te n\u2019peux pus faire eun pas d\u2019travers sins \u00eate t\u00e9l\u00e9-surveill\u00e9, inregistr\u00e9, \u00e9pluch\u00e9, align\u00e9. J\u2019ai m\u00eame pu invie d\u2019aller train\u2019ner. Cha m\u2019fait surtout peur pour les tchiots jeunes qui n\u2019ont jamais connu aut\u2019quosse. Qui n\u2019ont jamais \u00e9t\u00e9 faire ed travers dins ch\u2019bos aceuc les files, qui n\u2019ont jamais \u00e9t\u00e9 \u00e0 l\u2019rapein\u2019ne, o bein j\u2019t\u00e9 des tchiots caillos dins les ferniettes du vieux grigou d\u2019\u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9 pour l\u2019faire \u00e9marvoyer.
\n<\/span><\/span>
\nJ\u2019sins qu\u2019aussit\u00f4t que j\u2019peux, j\u2019vas r\u2019tourner dins min tchiot tro italien. In y respire mieux, l\u2019air elle est pus fine, pus l\u00e9g\u00e8re. Ch\u2019est normal, y pas d\u2019police, y a pas d\u2019cam\u00e9ra, et y n\u2019d\u2019a pas d\u2019puque qui font d\u2019travers qu\u2019ailleurs.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Y z\u2019ont p\u2019t\u00eate conserv\u00e9 ch\u2019t\u2019air l\u00e0 qu\u2019Jein Ferrat quint\u00f4t et sint\u00f4t \u00ab\u00a0par-del\u00e0 les fronti\u00e8res\u00a0\u00bb dins s\u2019quinchon \u00ab\u00a0Ma France\u00a0\u00bb et qu\u2019in n\u2019treuffe pus ichi.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Commint qu\u2019ch\u2019\u00e9tot d\u00e9j\u00e0\u00a0? Ah ouais, j\u2019m\u2019in rappelle\u00a0:
\nI parlot d\u2019un \u00ab\u00a0air ed libert\u00e9\u00a0!\u00a0\u00bb<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Une aventure v\u00e9cue et cont\u00e9e non sans malice par G\u00e9rard Couche \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I faut que j\u2019te conte l\u2019derni\u00e8re quinte qu\u2019j\u2019ai eu \u00e0 Roost. Euj\u2019rinte d\u2019mins tchiot villache d\u2019Italie eul 27 du mos d\u2019aho\u00fbte.[…]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-les-dernieres-nouvelles"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8QBzY-CO","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2406"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2406\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2416,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2406\/revisions\/2416"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pureux.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}